This is such a deep sadness...it's like I cannot get a single drop of joy out of anything that used to make completely and incandescently happy. What is wrong with me. There is no meaning or purpose to anything that I do. The few fleeting moments of joy I experience throughout my daily life are too few and far between to be memorable. I have slipped into the deep, black pool of despair and I can feel myself beginning to drown. How do I get out? How do I ensure that I will draw free breath again...not worrying that I will have to pay dearly for it. I sit on my bed and I stare into space wondering when it will all end and how. At times I do not think I really wish to know, but none the less I wonder. How is it that people can go through their lives hating everyone and being vindictive and horrid to all and yet still enjoy themselves and love their life? Is it because they have no conscience and do not possess even a shred of human kindness? I do not think the world is fair in its treatment of kind people. Why should we suffer for the folly of the ankle biters and the backstabbers? Each tear that I cry stings my cheeks like a thousand tiny blades coursing their way down my face, wishing they could reach my heart and cut it out. They very nearly have succeeded I'm afraid....
