This is such a deep sadness...it's like I cannot get a single drop of joy out of anything that used to make completely and incandescently happy. What is wrong with me. There is no meaning or purpose to anything that I do. The few fleeting moments of joy I experience throughout my daily life are too few and far between to be memorable. I have slipped into the deep, black pool of despair and I can feel myself beginning to drown. How do I get out? How do I ensure that I will draw free breath again...not worrying that I will have to pay dearly for it. I sit on my bed and I stare into space wondering when it will all end and how. At times I do not think I really wish to know, but none the less I wonder. How is it that people can go through their lives hating everyone and being vindictive and horrid to all and yet still enjoy themselves and love their life? Is it because they have no conscience and do not possess even a shred of human kindness? I do not think the world is fair in its treatment of kind people. Why should we suffer for the folly of the ankle biters and the backstabbers? Each tear that I cry stings my cheeks like a thousand tiny blades coursing their way down my face, wishing they could reach my heart and cut it out. They very nearly have succeeded I'm afraid....
Ecclesiastes 2:15 Then said I in my heart, As it happeneth to the fool, so it happeneth even to me; and why was I then more wise? Then I said in my heart, that this also is vanity.
ReplyDelete16 For there is no remembrance of the wise more than of the fool for ever; seeing that which now is in the days to come shall all be forgotten. And how dieth the wise man? as the fool.
Ecclesiastes 12:7 Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it.
8 Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all is vanity.
9 And moreover, because the preacher was wise, he still taught the people knowledge; yea, he gave good heed, and sought out, and set in order many proverbs.
10 The preacher sought to find out acceptable words: and that which was written was upright, even words of truth.
11 The words of the wise are as goads, and as nails fastened by the masters of assemblies, which are given from one shepherd.
12 And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh.
13 Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.
14 For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.